Happy Crappy Monday Morning……Volume 14.0

Happy Crappy Monday Morning……Volume 14.0

By: J-Shannon



Good Morning Haters and Fans, and Happy Crappy Monday Morning to you all. My weekend was an eventful one to say the least, although I did absolutely nothing I had planned. Originally, I was scheduled to pick up the girlfriend from the airport early Friday morning, and we were going to have a Bro Nameth night at the Hawks vs. Knicks game. Well, the girlfriend came down with the flu big time, so I had to do what I had to do and go check on her this weekend and make sure she was doing ok. But all in all, I still had a good weekend, and got some much needed rest and relaxation. I also got an opportunity to kick back and watch a lot of sports over the weekend.

So here it is another solid edition of the Happy Crappy Monday…. Enjoy.

1. A Preview of the Big Game on Sunday….

Another football season is in the books, and it looks like it is down to one last football game of the year. This year’s Super Bowl matchup puts the Green Bay Packers against the Pittsburgh Steelers. There are so many different angles I like in this game. First off, you have two of the up and coming young Quarterbacks in the league preparing to square off against each other. I personally like Rodgers over Big Ben, however it is hard to bet against a guy like Big Ben who is 10-2 in the playoffs. I also like the coaching matchup. I’m willing to go on record and make this statement: “I think when it is all said and done, Mike Tomlin will go down as one of the best coaches ever to Coach in the NFL.”  I know that is a bold statement, but the guy just flat out understands football, and knows how to win when it matters. You want my opinion? I don’t really care if you do personally; you’re going to get what I’m thinking. I think this game is low scoring, with a large turnover being the difference in the game. As good as Aaron Rodgers is, I give the edge to the Steelers and Big Ben……

2. NHL All Star Game, I Gave it a Chance…..

Look, I tried. I really did. I liked the concept of picking sides with captains. I love when they do their annual winter classic (although picking the first day of the year and competing with a full day of college football is idiotic). So Sunday afternoon, before the Pro Bowl, I decided to lay on the couch and give the NHL All Star game a chance and see what type of action it was bringing to the table. Well, it was one of the most boring events I have ever had to put myself through. There was absolutely no checking, absolutely no defense, and overall no action. Look, I understand no one wants to get hurt, and I understand it is suppose to be high scoring and fun, but you have to keep it somewhat interesting. I’m going to think of the NHL All Star game like an embarrassing One-Night Stand with an ugly chick: NEVER AGAIN…..

3.  Calling All Strippers, Calling All Strippers…..

So we already know the Super Bowl is this coming weekend. We also know that along with the Super Bowl, there is expected to be an additional 170,000 people travel to Dallas for the event. Well it turns out that causes a problem for some local establishments in the area. There is an OPEN-CALL online calling for any and all Strippers to come fly in and work Dallas for the weekend. How many dancing spots are open? 10,000. Don’t worry, you read that right; they are requesting an ADDITIONAL 10,000 Strippers on top of the 20,000 that are already employed in Dallas. You are trying to tell me the economy is down? Let’s just say the average lap dance cost $10. If each dancer just sold a minimum of 3 per night over a two night weekend, it results in 1.8 MILLION DOLLARS in lap dances. We aren’t even considering Cover Charges, Beer, Tips, Shots, and Backstage dances. DAMN, I’m in the wrong business……..

4. Herschel Walker= Not Human….

Herschel Walker is not human. The man is 48 years old, has absolutely no fat on his body anywhere, and says he is in the best shape of his life. The guy is a freak of nature actually. At 48, he was actually clocked at still running a 4.45 40 yard dash. That is impressive. But what’s more impressive is the fact that he is 2-0 in MMA fights, after beating the piss out of some no name guy this weekend. Now I know the guy he fought was softer than a roll of Charmin extra Soft, but you still got to give it to him.

5. Simply Put, This guy is an Idiot….

No description is really needed; this guy is a joke……

6.  Photo of the Week:

This is when you know you are a true Sports fan, starting the kids off right from the beginning.

7. Congrats to Dimitroff and Coach Smith

My inside sources over in flowery branch let me in on a little secret about 24 hours before Jay Glazer broke it yesterday at the Pro Bowl, but it looks like Owner Arthur Blank is going to work on a lengthy extension to Coach Smith and GM Thomas Dimitroff’s contract extension. I don’t know the specifics on numbers, but it is up there. And why shouldn’t it be? The two have made nothing but the right moves since the beginning, and have put together three winning seasons in a row. Congrats to both guys…..

8. How Shitty are the Cavs, Seriously….

The Cleveland Cavaliers suck. I mean they are one pathetic basketball team. I think it is a little funny actually. The Cavs are now a pathetic 8-39, and have lost 20 in a row. And you Cleveland fans were upset that Lebron wasn’t hustling in the playoffs? You may never see the playoffs again. This team has a chance to go down as one of the worst teams in the history of professional basketball.

9.“One-Liners” of the week…….

CBS- Way to have some moral Standards. CBS still refuses to fire Charlie Sheen from Two and a Half Men, even though he has been seen with a briefcase of cocaine, on a drunken binge for 36 hours, slept with 6 porn stars, and checked himself into rehab…. I need a job like that…..

Marvin Williams- You got more balls than I thought you did kid. I was impressed to see you throw a hay-maker Friday night vs. the Knicks…..

Outdoor Tickets- Yes, there are outdoor tickets being sold for the Super Bowl. Tickets OUTDOORS are going for $500 each. Talk about dumbasses…..

Shaun White- The kid is a stud. Won another Gold metal during the X-games this weekend…..

Kobe- He Dropped 41 Last night, but still lost. Somebody else on the team step up….

Kevin Durrant- “Chris Bosh thinks he can act all tough because he is now on a good team. There are a lot of fake tough guys in the NBA, and he is one of them…” –I LOVE IT-

10. THE TOP 10 in the TOP 10….

You know how we do the Top 10 list. Here is the Top 10 this week, dedicated to the unappreciated athlete.

THE TOP 10 MUST UNDERRATED NFL PLAYERS IN 2010…..

10. Brandon Flowers – DB- KC: Flowers is a hell of a cover corner, but gets no love. Kansas City is slowing but surely putting together a tough DB group with Flowers and rookie Eric Berry.

9. Kroy Biermann- DE- Atlanta: Not only is he doing Kim from the Real Housewives of Atlanta, but he is also doing work on the field. Talk about a steal in the 5^th round, Biermann has already surpassed the talent of the first round bust Jamall Anderson. I see this kid only getting better and better.

8. Malcom Floyd- WR- San Diego: You remember that solid Number 1 receiver out in San Diego? Oh, you forgot? His name is Vincent Jackson, and no one has really noticed he didn’t play this year. This is mainly because Malcom Floyd has stepped up. The kid is a solid athlete and a free agent this year. Maybe he can end up in Atlanta next year? Please?

7. Jason Snelling- RB – Atlanta: Now I know he plays for Atlanta, and you may think I’m just throwing Falcons players on the list because I’m a fan, but the guy can play. He understands the game, and always seems to get the yards he needs.

6. Danny Woodhead- RB – New England: Show the kid some respect. He is the size of a professional midget wrestler, and somehow gets reps in the NFL at running back. Woodhead may not have the biggest muscles in the league, but he is in the top 5 for biggest heart….

5. Tashard Choice- RB- Dallas: This kid is loaded with talent, but is only number 3 on the depth chart? What sucks even worse is he could easily be the featured back for 7-10 teams right now?

4. Pierre Thomas- RB New Orleans: This guy gets no credit because he plays alongside Drew Brees and Reggie Bush. But Thomas has been the most consistent running back in the Nola for a long time.

3. Josh Freeman- QB – Tampa Bay: The kid was highly drafted, but plays well under the radar in Tampa Bay. He is consistent, and has shown he can have the burden of the QB of the future placed on his shoulders….

2. Kyle Orton- QB – Denver: The guy gets love from no one, but he is actually a pretty consistent QB. He had a pretty decent year in Denver, and this after his team traded away the majority of his weapons, and his coach was fired mid season.

1. Jacoby Ford- WR- Oakland: This guy wont but under the radar for much longer. Over his past few games, he has lit up defenses and special teams units. He is one of the fastest guys in the league, and

As always, it has been a pleasure. Leave me your thoughts and comments on the facebook post…. See you all Friday morning Suckazzzzzz.

Friday Free For All…..Volume 12.0

Friday Free For All…..Volume 12.0

By: J-Shannon

It is Friday, and you know what that means, it’s time for another juiced up edition of the Friday Morning Free for All. I’m in an exceptionally good mood this Thursday night, for many different reasons, but mainly because I’ve got a solid weekend of sporting events and activities planned with the wifey after I pick her up from the ATL airport in the morning. But back to business, there is a lot to cover in this edition of the Friday Morning Free For All, including: one last word on Jay Cutler, some Cecil Newton Bashing, the best bets to place on the Super Bowl, and anything else that crosses my mind while I’m writing….. So kick back and relax, and enjoy……

First and foremost the college football world is going to be ROCKED February 7th. YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST.

--The “I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW” Stories from this Week:

1. Solid Basketball on the West Coast……

So I was up late Wednesday night, and couldn’t really find anything to watch on TV, and remembered that there was a solid west coast college basketball game going on. San Diego State was battling BYU, and between the two teams, their combined records were 39-1. San Diego State is loaded with talent, and BYU has one of, if not the best basketball players in the country. I have heard all the hype all season about Jimmer Fredette, but wanted to see for myself what all the fuss was about. Point Blank: The kid is a stud. He ended up with 43 points for the night slicing and dicing the San Diego Defense doing whatever he wanted to do. The San Diego State defense reminded me of a One Legged man in an Ass kicking contest, they didn’t have a chance…. I’m not saying the kid is going to be a star in the NBA, but I am saying when you know how to score, you know how to score. If a team doesn’t take a chance on this kid, they should seriously reconsider their draft process. I know typically most people consider the Big East and the ACC the powerhouses of college basketball, but they play some pretty solid hoops out west in the mountains.

2 Give the Man his $3,000,000 Donation back Huskies….

So here is the back story. All college football programs have “that donor,” the one who donates the most money to the program. The head “Donor” is almost an untitled assistant coach on the team. Usually, in exchange for the millions and millions of dollars that the donor donates, they are informed and even brought in during important football related conversations. So, as a rule, you hold the hand of the large donor. Well, UCONN took the opposite approach. Apparently they had no problem cashing the checks of their Big Daddy donor; however the AD refused to return any calls or emails to the man. Somehow the UCONN Athletic Director pissed this donor off to the point that the man wants his money back. If you ask me, the AD has a problem, and I can’t really blame the guy for wanting some Benjamin’s back….

--Things that Have Pissed Me off This Week:

1. Cecil Newton, live your Own Life Bro….

Dear Mr. Newton,

Haven’t you cause enough drama and embarrassment for your son? You have already had the entire country question his loyalty, character, integrity, and his overall moral standards. Although your son won the Heisman Trophy, you still have caused a lot of the country to question whether he actually deserved the award.  Your son even managed to lead his team to the National Championship, yet many people still believe it will be null and void within 3 years. With that being said, the fact that you are setting up a media day for your son is absurd. Aren’t you a preacher in a church here in the A? Don’t you have other things to worry about? Let your son live his own life, let him get out of the shadow of Daddy….

2. Iowa Football, taking it to the EXTREME these days….

I don’t even know where to begin about this one. Apparently the Iowa football team is going to do literally whatever it takes to get their team in shape for next season. When I say do whatever it takes, I mean to the point that if it means sending 20 players to the hospital for exhaustion and muscle breakdown, so be it. 20 different players were admitted to the hospital following a workout session lead by the football training staff. Reports were the session consisted of 100 reps of Bench, at 225, and 250 reps of squats. There was also reportedly a mandatory sled drill requiring each player to push a weighted sled up and down an entire football field twice. I’m not saying playing D-1 Football should be easy, but damn, that sounds a little extreme. Looks like the Iowa staff is in a little bit of trouble…..

--Youtube Clip of the Week:

This is how good Ronaldinho is at soccer. It looks like he has gotten so bored over the weekend from shooting normal shots on goal; he has decided to practice making shots from behind the goal…..

You have to love hockey. Why? Because fighting is legal…. Too bad I didn’t make it to this game in Russia….

--The “LIVIN’ THE DREAM” Legend of the Week:

You know what time it is. It’s time for the Living the Dream legend of the week. This Week: GEORGE MALOOF.

Never heard of him? Well he is only a multi millionaire, owning the Sacramento Kings, Sacramento Monarchs, and the Palms casino in Las Vegas. To make him even cooler, he played cornerback at UNLV, and his locker mate was Death Row Records CEO Suge Knight.  The dude is living the dream……

--Prediction for the Upcoming Week:

With the sudden departure of Jeff Fisher late last night, there is one more opening in the NFL Coaching Ring. I think that before it is all said and done, there are 3-4 names that are going to be out there in the running for the Head Coaching Gig. Keep your eyes open for Mike Malarkey to get a look, as well as Josh McDaniels, and their current Offensive Line Coach Mike Munchak….

--Stat of the Week:

BYU Guard Jimmer Fredette has 15 games of scoring more than 40 points in his college career. 13 of these games have come on the road…. That’s pretty damn impressive.

--Best Bets in the Super Bowl:

Let’s play a little game. Courtesy of Bodog.com and CNNSI Extra Mustard, here are the best wagers for the Super Bowl next weekend: It is easy to pick the winner, but let’s see who can get the most of these wagers right….

·     How long will it take Christina Aguilera to sing the National Anthem? -- Over/Under: 1 minute 50 seconds

·     How long will Christina Aguilera hold the note "Brave" at the end of the National Anthem? -- Over/Under: 6 seconds

·     How Many Times will FOX show Jerry Jones on TV during the Game? -- Over/Under: 3

·     How Many Times will FOX mention Brett Favre on TV during the Game? -- Over/Under: 2.5

·     Will a punt hit the scoreboard during the game? -- Yes: 10/1

·     Will a Steelers player do the Aaron Rodgers Championship Belt Celebration during the game?
Yes: EVEN
No: -140

Leave your answers on the Comment Person with the most right answers gets a Bro Nameth T Shirt…..Seriously DO IT! 

--Shout-Outs for the Weekend:

·     Charlie Sheen- The man was admitted to the hospital this week. Apparently, he went on a 3 day drinking binge, with 5 porn stars, when a friend of his showed up with a suit case full of cocaine. Friends say he was high as hell, and actually critiquing the porn stars as he watched their latest movies. You really can’t make this shit up. I’m not sure whether to say get well soon to the guy, or make him the livin’ the dream legend of the week….

·     Yao Ming- Somehow, although you’ve only played like 4 games in the past 3 years, you were voted in as a started in the All Star Game this year. That is what happens when you are of Chinese decent and you have 25 Billion Chinamen online voting for you…..

·     Jay Cutler- So you couldn’t try and lead your team to a Super Bowl appearance, but you managed to spend the day shopping with your girlfriend in LA yesterday….TOUGH GUY

·     The NHL- I love the fact that for their All Star game, they are picking captains, and letting the captains actually pick from a group of All Stars their teams, like a backyard baseball game…..

·     The New York Knicks- They were just voted the most valuable NBA team, taking over the Los Angeles Lakers. The team is valued at $655 million, and that is after the shitty year they had last year. Just imagine what they will be worth after this year when they win a few games….

Please follow Bro Nameth on Twitter and LIKE us on Facebook. We appreciate all the support! 

As always, it’s been a pleasure. Leave a comment if you disagree with anything I got to say, and I’ll prove to you why you are wrong….. Check in again Monday Suckazzzzz.

NASCAR Fans Wanted

NASCAR Fans Wanted

By Uncle Clark

One. There has been one comment in the first two weeks of Bro Nameth’s NASCAR coverage. It came from none other than the site’s founder, Chris McDonald. That’s about as meaningful as a scratch-and-sniff sticker on a preschooler’s art project.

We’re not looking for accolades. We’re looking to start the conversation. Here is why Bro Nameth’s readers should follow the sport. Here are the reasons you should become a fan of NASCAR:

1.        This boat is real. Jay Cutler isn’t fit to sell the programs for this sport. You don’t make it into NASCAR without laying it all on the line. The stories of most of the guys past and present in the series bet everything they had on their ambition and their will to win. In this sport, there aren’t athletic scholarships and there sure as hell aren’t draft picks. There are 43 spots in the top series and there are thousands that want in. You want proof? Head to your local hometrack. I’m talking about places where race teams are families; places where drivers are competing for sponsorship dollars against teams from men’s softball leagues. Careers begin here. Dreams die here. Racing happens in between.

2.       The sport is rooted in moonshine, a beach and the will to win. The booze isn’t what’s impressive. It’s the fact that an act of civil disobedience in the time of prohibition developed into a national pastime on the coastal sands of Florida. Bootleggers boring out cylinders to outrun the feds have become physics professors looking to outpace the competition. It’s a unique story. It’s an American story. It should be yours.

3.       Bristol. Motor. Speedway. Some genius looked at a toilet bowl and thought it looked like a race track. And he was right. 43 cars line up on a ½ mile track with a banking angle that notches as high as 30 degrees. Drivers then turn 15-second laps at speeds exceeding 120 mph in front of 165,000 fans who brought their own beer under the lights of an August night. The only things brighter than the Budweiser cans are the brake calipers glowing red over the course of 500 laps. To quote a bro:

4.       Rachel Nichols doesn’t cover NASCAR. Stop moving your hands when you talk woman.

5.       The Radio. You have complete access to the communications of your race team. Everything from the crew chief’s race strategy to the driver’s choice of Gatorade is aired to the public. You know when your driver is pitting, what adjustments the car is taking and exactly how pissed he is when he gets loose in a corner. What happens over the radio is unscripted and uncensored. You have full access to the adrenaline-fueled emotion that comes from 200 MPH.

6.       The race weekend. You will meet the best people in the world at a NASCAR race. Camping in a field outside a racetrack for three days will restore your faith in America. Here’s a quick comparison: Last year I went to a hippy music festival and I had everything down to my Frisbee stolen…Peace, Love, my ass. The year before I went to the Cocacola 600 in Concord, NC and when I came back from a beer run somebody had picked up my empties. Wonder where I am going this year?

7.       It’s racing. If you follow IRL or Formula-1, you’re in the right zip code, but you’re watching a traction controlled version of vanilla pudding. In NASCAR, bumping into the guy next to you is just a part of the sport. In open wheel it’s a death wish. Drivers police themselves and when one gets out of line he is put in the wall on the next lap. Teams will do anything it takes to win. If it means taking the leader out than watch what happens. Most of these points may sound redneck and that’s because they are. But the result of this attitude is a competition and a sport that is unmatched.

Becoming a NASCAR fan takes time. I used to be like you: I made fun of this sport. Then my roommate in college forced me to watch a couple of races. When you see drivers run four-wide on a track only wide enough for three you begin to recognize the adrenaline that brought them there. It’s only a matter of time before you feel that adrenaline yourself.

We’re only a few weeks away from the Budweiser Shootout, a glorified all star-race on the world’s most storied racetrack – Daytona.  Bro Nameth will have you prepped, but we want you talking.

Betty White Awards, Jay Cutler and NFL Draft talk

2011 is upon us and Bro Nameth is taking strides to cover every aspect of sports. We have added a few NASCAR writers and have a few ideas in the works for next football season. These guys on the other hand need to man up and grab a snickers; they are playing like Betty White. Here we go:

1. Georgia Tech Men's Basketball on the road: GT=Armadillos....they get killed on the road! Someone might want to tell these guys that playing on the road is not an excuse for getting whooped every time out. They were blown out at Clemson by 25, lose to a very mediocre Virginia team by 8 but were down 15-18 the whole game and get the elbow of death from Northwestern earlier in the year. And oh yeah, they lost to Kennesaw State by 17!!!! Kennesaw Freaking State!! Are you kidding me?
2. Maurice Jones Drew: The guy calls out Jay Cutler for not playing through knee pain. Newsflash broham you sat out the last 2 games of the regular season with knee problems and your team was fighting for a playoff berth! talk about calling the kettle black. I am starting to change my tune on Mr. Cutler and how he handled the situation but will address that later. As for MJD shut your trap. Until you play through an injury like that or something zip it.
3. UCONN: A disgruntled booster wants his $3,000,000 back since he was not asked his opinion on the new coaching hire. Now to his defense, I would want my money back to since they hired Paul Pasquoloni (SP?). Who the hell is that? Here is my first point: How sad of a booster program is UCONN if they have to kiss the ass of a guy who donated only 3 million? Now don't get me wrong that's a lot of money but T. Boone Pickens wipes his ass with 3 million. Phil Knight over at Oregon can't even have a good meal for 3 million. Cmon UCONN are you a division 2 program? The guy is having an entire football facility named after him for donating 3 mill. Step your game up and grab a snicks. My 2nd point is that if this guy is your largest booster then you might want to oh I don't know, give him a call and see what he thinks. Whether you like it or not that's how it is these days.
4. Syracuse Orange Basketball team: You have now lost 3 games in a row. One of which was to Seton Hall who straight up waxed you last night by 20+. If I am not mistaken you were as high as #3 in the country before losing 3 straight. Now, 2 of the losses were to Pitt @ Pitt and at home to Villanova who is the #7 ranked team in the country. However, you were essentially dominated by Villanova and then Seton Hall rolls in and lays the hammer down. Snicks all around for the Orange.

I am starting to change my tune regarding Jay Cutler. After hearing all the current and former players chime in on how he should have played that got me to thinking. Do you really think Cutler decided to quit when his entire life he has worked to this moment? It just doesnt make any sense. The point here is the media and most everyone who knows anything about Cutler doesnt like him. He is not a nice guy to be around and carries himself like he doesnt give a doodoo. If this were Tom Brady noone would have said a word about it. "Oh Brady hurt his knee, must be really bad". Since Cutler is a jerkoff people are just waiting to nail this guy. Now, he deserves alot of the crap he is getting since he acts the way he does. However, I think it is incredibly bush league for former players to call him out. Deion Sanders missed an entire season with Turf Toe. MJD as mentioned above didn't even play the last 2 games of the regular season bc of a knee injury and his team was fighting for a playoff spot. The only guy who has the right to talk shit is Mark Schlereth. The dude had over 20 knee surgeries so I think he is qualified and it is safe to say he played through some injuries. Eveyone else needs to kick rocks and be quiet. Cutler NEVER missed a game while at Vandy and he got rocked ALOT. He was sacked this year more than any other QB in the league and only missed 2 games. 1 of which was after the Giants sacked him 500 times concussing him. I don't like the guy anymore than you guys do but cut the dude some slack.

NFL DRAFT TALK

I have heard alot of talk on what the Falcons need to do to help improve the team and I believe the 2 main thing we need are pass rushers and a playmaker on offense. Now I know what your thinking. No shit. I see a guy who is going to be available in the 3rd or 4th round whi I think is a steal and is going to be a great player. Every week I am going to Highlight a player who is under the radar that I think could really help the Falcons next year.

Randall Cobb: This kid makes plays in the deepest, toughest conference in College Football. He is the perfect slot receiver and could have the impact of a Antoine Randle El or Wes Welker. I am curious to see his shuttle time and 3 cone drill time as that is an indication of burst speed and laterall quickness. Something that is needed to be a slot receiver. How many times do you see Wes Welker abuse a safety or LB on a quick out and turn it into a 15-20 yard gain? it happens almost twice a game. Welker is by no means "fast" but he gets in and out of his breaks very very quickly. Whoever ends up with Cobb is getting a very good football player.

Bring the Beer, Leave the Calculator

Bring the Beer, Leave the Calculator

By Corey Rose

Let’s face it. NASCAR’s point system is about as complicated as Chinese sign-language.

Up until 1967, the point system was entirely weighted on the cash prize of each race. Races with smaller purses paid fewer points than races with bigger purses. The series then tried the “distance” approach following a simple premise: The more the miles; the more the points. The system has since been given algorithms season after season and NASCAR has given up on explaining why.

Bro Nameth’s argument: No sport that is BYOB should operate under a point system that necessitates a calculator.

Speaking of beer: 

As testing gets underway at Daytona this week, word is starting to come out that we should expect a complete overhaul of the point system. Smart money says to expect a possible “43-1 arrangement,” where 43 points are awarded to the winner and it trickles down the finishing order to a single point issued to the guy who sucks. Only problem is nothing about NASCAR is smart.

For the sake of racing and American Budweiser, NASCAR needs to throw this out like Jeremy Mayfield. Take our advice:

Follow the lead of our European superiors and add Redneck. Just this past season, Formula-1 adopted a new point system that proved successful by awarding more points to more drivers, but only with the top-10 receiving points. Now with NASCAR’s 43-car field a little expansion would be necessary. The series should award 50 points for a win, 40 for second and in increments for drivers finishing in the top-25. “Start and park” drivers, Casey Mears and everybody else in the back can pick up the beer cans.

This would not only place a greater emphasis on the win, but also make for manageable math. No multipliers. No formulas. Dale Jr-level addition only.

Throw in the NASCAR point wrinkles if you want. You lead the most laps? Here’s a 5-spot. You took the pole position? Awesome, have another 5. You lead a single lap? Give them a point.

All NASCAR needs to do is break out the Nintendo-64. From Wal-Mart Daycares to Fraternity houses across America, there is one point system that has stood the test of time. It came from none other than the game Mario Kart.

It is simple. It is understandable. It awards consistent drivers with tangible point figures. Our sport should adopt a similar model…just no lightning bolts – shits gay.

Happy Crappy Monday......Volume 13.0

Happy Crappy Monday Morning……Volume 13.0

By: J-Shannon

It is Monday Boys and Girls, and you all know what that means. It’s time for a solid edition of the Happy Crappy Monday. This week’s topics will cover the ManChild of a Quarterback Aaron Rodgers, as well as the world largest Vagina, Jay Cutler. Also included will be a little recruiting news, my Top 10 Pre-Season College Football Rankings, and a little more stuff that should make your day a little better. So sit back and relax, and enjoy this edition of the Happy Crappy Monday Morning.

1.       Packers still Rolling along…..

Wow. Aaron Rodgers is the real deal. I picked from the start that the Packers would handle the Falcons, and would be the scariest team in the playoffs. The Defense is stellar, and the only thing they were lacking during the season was a solid running game on the offense side of the ball. It looks like they figured out what is going on with the run game. Think back to about 4 years ago, when the Packers told an aging Brett Favre that they were making the move to the younger, more in shape Aaron Rodgers. Some Packers fans were disappointed. I don’t hear any of those same fans complaining these days.  Aaron Rodgers defined what type of player he is when Bears DE Julius Peppers almost took his head off in the third quarter. If you paid attention, Rodgers got back up, spit out a mouthful of blood, and continued to orchestrate a perfect game. The Packers look to be a team to be reckoned with over the next 5-7 years. If you were to add to their lineup another solid, young running back, with maybe a third or fourth round wide receiver pick, this team will be loaded.

2.       It May not be Pretty, but Big Ben does 1 Thing: WIN…..

Well, he doesn’t throw 400 yards a game. He doesn’t throw for 4 touchdowns. But you know what he does do? He wins. And he wins often. Big Ben is 10-2 in the playoffs in his career; that is second best all time among Quarterbacks who have played in more than 10 playoff games. He is a large man, and has the ability to shrug off defensive players. The best thing he does is continue to make big plays, when it counts. Big Ben has the ability to roll out of the pocket, and keep the play going when nothing is open in the beginning. This is when he does his damage. The bad part about it, there is no defense for a QB who continues to drag out the play until someone gets open. Yea he made some mistakes in the beginning of the season, but you haven’t really heard anything about that lately have you?

3.        No American’s left in Australia

So I know I don’t watch as much Tennis as most people, but can we not get an American to step up and do some work in the Tennis game. The Australian Open is going on, but it looks like every American has already booked their flights home, being that none are left in the event. What is the deal USA…. Step your game up. 

4.       Mark Sanchez: Wiping Boogers on Teammates……

You know, it is bad enough being Mark Brunell. The guy is 40 years old, been in the league for 20 years, and still somehow is bankrupt. Not only that, but you have to ride the pine pony while a young Mark Sanchez has been anointed the chosen one for the Jets. But to make matters even worse, Sanchez treats Brunell like the bottom of a cafeteria table. Check out what he does to old Brunell during Sunday’s game…..

5.       Brooklyn Decker= Enough Said

I hated on you for already losing the Australian Open, but you did win the ultimate prize. Here is the woman married to Andy Roddick…..You know what? Shes so hot it wont let me upload her photo so give her the ole google.

6.       A little Jay Cutler Bashing for the Bro Nameth Followers…..

It looks like I wasn’t the only one who thought Jay Cutler played like a Puss this weekend. After his “Severe” knee injury, you know the one that allowed him to walk all around the sidelines during the second half of the game, many present and former NFL players used Twitter to express their feelings on Cutler. Thanks to Extra Mustard for these Tweets.

Bucs Linebacker Derrick Brooks: Hey, There is no medicine for a guy with no guts and heart

Maurice Jones Drew: Hey, I think the Urban Meyer Rule is in effect right now…When the going gets tough, QUIT.

Cardinals Safety Kerry Rhodes: Cmon Cutler you have to come back. This is the NFC Championship if you didn’t know.

Primetime Deion Sanders: Folks I never question a players injury, but I do question a players heart. TRUTH

Mark Schlereth: As a guy who has had over 20 knee surgeries, you’d have to drag me out on a stretcher to leave a championship game.

7.       A little Too Much….

Yea, I would be extremely happy to be going to the Super Bowl too. But Rashad Mendenhall may have taken his celebration a little too far…..

8.       More Jay Cutler Bashing: 

Did you know one of the Executive Producers of the Vagina Monologues is Jay Cutler? Cutler signed a 2 year $5,000,000 contract with Vagisil this past offseason. His favorite movie on his bio page is Too Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar.

9.       “Deuces” of the week…….

You know how the “Deuces” works, so here they are……

·         Carson Palmer- Carson wants a trade. He says he is fed up with the Bengals. Carson, you had Ochocinco and TO last season on your squad, along with Cedric Benson. I don’t think anyone is going to be upset you’re leaving…..

·         New York Jets-  Back to your Foot Fetish Rexy, your season is history.

·         Chicago Bears- Sorry Bears. Maybe you’ll have a better backup quarterback plan next season than Todd Collins.

·         Jack LaLanne- The original workout Guru, passed away at 92.

10.   THE TOP 10 in the TOP 10….

Yea it is early, but it is never too early to look ahead at my preseason projected top 10 for next season….. Here it is.

10. OKLAHOMA STATE COWBOYS- They have a good squad, but did lose their offensive   Coordinator to West Virginia. If they can overcome the loss, they will have a good season.                

9.    MICHIGAN STATE SPARTANS-The Spartans are still a little pissed they won a piece of the Big Ten, and sat at home during BCS games and watched other teams play. Look for this chip on their shoulder to lead them to a BCS game this year.

8.    WISCONSIN BADGERS- They play smash mouth football. They run the ball, and run the ball well. Wisconsin should have a hell of a run in 2011. 

7.    TEXAS A&M AGGIES- It’s nice to have Coach Mike Sherman. It is also nice to return almost every starter from an already good team. Texas A&M is letting people know there is another team in Texas other than the Longhorns.

6.    FLORIDA STATE SEMINOLES- Replacing Christian Ponder is first priority, but the Seminoles always have talent down in Florida. Look for them to repeat winning their division in the ACC

5.    STANFORD CARDINAL- They lost their coach to the NFL, but their guaranteed Number 1 Draft pick of a QB decided he wanted to enjoy college a little more. Look for Andrew Luck to lead Stanford far this season.

4.    LSU TIGERS- Les Miles is back. Their Defense is nasty. This team is loaded with talent, and play with a swagger.

3.    OREGON DUCKS- The core of their national championship team is back. QB Darron Thomas is back, along with Heisman finalist LaMichael James. Add in the fact that they play in the Pac 10, there is a good chance they are back in the National Championship.

2.    ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE- Recruits, Recruits, Recruits. They are loaded. Trent Richardson is going to step up, and take the starting Running back title. Watch out for Bama this season.

1.       OKLAHOMA SOONERS- Almost all starters back, including starting QB Landry Jones and Receiver Ryan Broyles. It will hurt to lose Demarco Murray, but they are loaded with talent. 

Honorable Mentions: Be on the lookout for: South Carolina, Boise State, TCU, Notre Dame, Nebraska, Ohio State, and Arkansas…..

As always, it has been a pleasure. Leave me your thoughts and comments on the facebook post…. See you all Friday morning Suckazzzzzz.

What the Hell Happened? My Free Agency and Draft Wish List

This last Saturday was one of the worst Atlanta Sports moments I have had in a long time.

Watching the Packers move the ball up and down the field with such ease was like getting kicked in the nutz over and over again and not being able to stop it. Aaron Rodgers would have scored 48 points even if we had 15 guys on defense. It is amazing to me that a team who had played so well, was coming off a bye, playing at HOME and seemed to have some momentum could come out at and be so bad. Not only did it seem like we made no adjustments on defense, but anytime we were in position to make a play we failed.

After the Eric Weems kick off return it was big for our defense to come out and get a stop to sustain the momentum gained from that return. The drive started off great for us as Starks fumbled the kickoff out of bounds at around the 8 yard line. Green Bay ends up marching the ball right down the field with ease to tie the score at 14. With the lack of defense we have now shown for most of the game, ALL of the pressure is now on the offense to move the ball and get some points. We don't and out comes the juggernaut that is the Packer offense. They once again mow through the Falcon D like The Situation mows through women as he beats the beat on Jersey Shore. 21-14 Packers.

At this point is is almost imperitive we score before the half ends since GB gets the ball the start the second half. The falcons are on about the 35 yard line with 8 seconds left and no timeouts since we just called 1. Now, as a defensive player I know the falcons have really 2 options.

1. A quick out to gain 5-7 yards to make a shorter FG attempt
2. A bomb to the end zone and if incomplete hopefully a second left for the long FG

The Falcons called timeout so I am going to assume that the playcall came from Mularkey. Tramond Williams, who lets just say probobly is a little smarter than I, knows the above 2 points. So what do the Falcons do? They roll Ryan out to cut the field down by 70% and give him 1 option to throw to. Which he does and boom...pick 6 game over! I am not giving Ryan a free pass for the throw because the throw is just plain awful and you absolutely NEVER make that throw. However, the playcall deserves some criticism as well. To be honest it really wouldn't have mattered either way because the Packers would have scored 60 points if they had to.

The Falcons played their worst game they have played all year and got wooped. Stepping back now we just ran into a buzzsaw in Green Bay and couple that with the worst game we have played all year and thats a recipe for disaster. There are times in professionjal sports where you just dont "have it". The Jets 3 weeks ago got beat by 42 at New England! Then they come back and beat the Patriots convinceingly last week. Its just how it goes sometimes.

I started thinking to myself how I always talk about the Atlanta Braves being a failure since the goal is to win the World Series every year NOT just make the playoffs. While this is 100% true for them, it isn't for the Falcons. This season WAS a success since we won the division and lets be honest the Falcons have never had 3 years runnning like they have the last 3. Now if the same thing happens next year then absolutely the season is an epic fail. In a way you know you have arrived when you lose in the first round and everyone is pissed off and mad.

I think as a whole the team is very well built. You have very good if not elite players at every level on the team. I think we need another explosive playmaker on offense and we need to add a player at every level on defense.

Free Agency (this is a WISH list)

I know that the odds we get these guys are small but I am still believe we could land a big FA and a few smaller ones that could really improve the team.

Mercedes Lewis (Tight End): Don't get me wrong I love Tony Gonzalez but the guy is getting up their in age and Lewis is a baller. We could lock him up for a 4-5 year deal and have a core of White, Ryan, Turner and Lewis and be set for the next 4-5. I really think this is a guy we could get.

Vincent Jackson (WR): VJax is a beast and is Michael Jenkins but with more speed and can catch. He is going to get paid by somebody and since we reupped Jenkins this prob wont happen but would be nice.

Champ Bailey (DB): Champ is a little older but still runs well and while he is not the "shutdown" corner he used to be he would still be the best corner on the team. I think we could get for 6-7 million a year and that would move Dunta off of the #1 and onto the #2 receiver where he could be more effective. Bailey has great man to man skills and I think this is  a signing that could really help us.

Ray Edwards (DE): I think the biggest help the defense could get would be on the defensive line especially in the pass rush. Abraham can only do so much himself and if you stuck someone like Edwards opposite him that could be a deadly pass rush. What is a similar trait for all the remaining teams in the playoffs? They have a great pass rush whether its through the front 4 or mixing up their looks with their front 4.

There are some lower end Free Agents that I would like as well but a few of them I KNOW the Falcons would never sign because its not "the falcon way". Adding someone like Randy Moss or Terrell Owens would be great for our offense IMO but I know because of the baggage they bring their is no chance that would happen. Randy Moss opposite Roddy White coupled with the running game of Michael Turner would be ridiculous. He would have 4-5 1 on 1 chances a game where we could potentially hit a HUGE play.

Draft Wish List

Allen Bailey (DE/LB) Miami: I have done a lot of research regarding the draft and have easily read 20-30 Mock Drafts. Most of them have the Falcons taking an offensive lineman since we have a few FA's on the O Line. Bailey is a physical freak who can play the OLB spot or rush the passer from the end. Abraham is 32 and depending on what we do in Free Agency we have got to get younger on the ends. Biermann is what he is. A decent pass rusher but I think Bailey could be a great pick here.

Cameron Heyward (DE) Ohio State: See the above post. Heyward is a freak as well and I think would step right in and start. His dad, the late great Craig "Ironhead" Heyward played for Atlanta.

Titus Young (WR) Boise State: I know I always knock on Boise State but Titus Young is a player. Hes fast as hell and could really help the Falcons stretch the field. I am thinking we could get him with our late 2nd round pick or even with our 3rd.

Demarco Murray (RB) Oklahoma: I know RB is really low on our list but Murray is just too explosive to pass up. A lot of Mock Drafts have him dropping into the 3rd round and if so I think this would be a steal. Hes a homerun threat whether running it or catching it out of the backfield. People need to go ahead and get jerious Norwood out of their heads because hes a walking body cast every year. Murray has had some knick knack injuries while at OK but I think this could be a great pick if we could snatch him in the 3rd round.

Potential Sleepers:

Cliff Matthews (DE) South Carolina: Freakishly big could be a great 3-4 LB/DE
Andy Dalton (QB) TCU: All the guy does is win
Greg Jones (LB) Mich State: Not really a sleeper but the guy is a tackling machine.
Randall Cobb (WR) kentucky: Mr. All everything at Kentucky. Would love him on the Falcons. Can help in a lot of ways

Happy Crappy Monday Morning.......Volume 12.0

Happy Crappy Monday Morning……Volume 12.0

By: J-Shannon

Happy Crappy Monday Morning! It’s good being back on the wagon after some unexpected weather delays last week. We had to cram as much football into this Happy Crappy Monday because of the fact that Football season is almost over, and to be honest, I don’t know what the hell I’m going to write about once the season ends. Lots went on this past week and weekend, including some upsets, some not so surprising finishes, and another SEC team was crowned the National Champion. So sit back and relax, and prepare for one of the best Happy Crappy Monday Mornings Ever……

1.     Atlanta Falcons, Atlanta Braves, lots in common…….

So the Falcons dominated the regular season. They finished Number 1 in their respective division, earned the Number 1 overall seed in the NFC, and even had a first Round Bye. You would think that the team would be jacked beyond measure for this past Saturday’s game…. Well the team got beat down worse than Rodney King. Sound familiar? It should, it should sound just like the Atlanta Braves. Someone needs to enlighten the sports teams of ATL, and let them know that winning the regular season means nothing. It’s the playoffs that count. The saying around Atlanta for the last few weeks has been “The Road to the Super Bowl Runs Right through Atlanta!” Well bad news Atlanta, the train came through Atlanta, didn’t stop, and is on it’s way to Chicago. The good news with the Falcon’s offense and way of football is to hold the ball, run it, and chew up clock. That works fine and dandy, until you’re down by 21.  I don’t want to take anything away from the Falcons, this team has come a hell of a long way in three years, I just think the Super Bowl predictions were a year or so too early…….

2.     Hey Big TEN, chalk another one up for the SEC

I personally love when a Big Ten fan argues with me and tells me that there is just as much competition in the SEC as there is the Big Ten. Well how is this for a stat: The Big Ten has 2 National Championships in the Past 40 years, the SEC has 10 in the past 19. Auburn wrapped up another win for the good guys this weekend, even though in my opinion it will be taken away from me in a couple of years. Nick Fairley earned what should be an extra 25 million bones in the game. With Andrew Luck making possibly the dumbest decision possible, and the way Fairley played in the National Championship, it looks like he is going to be the Number 1 overall pick. Don’t worry Big Ten, even with Fairley and Newton set to head to the NFL, there is another SEC team stacking up on Blue Chip talent, and preparing to play in the 2012 National Championship……

3.     Seahawks, Welcome Back to Earth….

This one will be about as quick as a virgin tool-bag losing his virginity on Prom night. Welcome back to earth. Yes, you beat the defending Champions, but keep in mind they had no running back. Keep in mind that even thought their record was much better than yours, they did fly all the way across the country because your division sucks ass. When Jay Cutler Puts up the points on you that he did, you know you don’t deserve to go any further than you’ve already gotten……

4.     My Apologizes Sexy Rexy….

I’m man enough to admit when I’m wrong. And although in My Friday Morning Free for All, (if you missed it, you can click here) I predicted three out of the four weekend games correctly, I didn’t give Rex and the Jets enough credit. I have to admit, I love a good shit talker. And what makes a good shit talker great, is when they back up what they are talking about. The jets took it to the Patriots, and Brady and Bellicheck had no response for what has happening. Sanchez did what he had to do, which was play mistake free football, and don’t hand the game away. I would personally love to see the Jets and the Packers go at it in the Super Bowl, mainly because I’m a sucker for Defenses, and these two have two of the best in the league…..

5.     Golden Globes were Last night…..

Who gives a shit, they aren’t Oscars or anything……..

6.     2010 World Series of Beer Pong Champions

Let’s all give credit where it is due, and credit is due to the team of “Standing Ovation”, who won the 2010 world series of Beer Pong over the Holidays. The team competed against 507 teams, from 9 countries and 48 states. Grand Prize: $50,000. Yea you read that right; that is a chunk of change to do what well all love to do. I’m down for putting together a man’s trip next year, anyone else?

7.     Slide Down a Notch Peyton Manning, there is a new Number 2 in town….

well……

8.     Photo of the Week:

Courtesy of Extra Mustard on Cnnsi.com, what a solid pic…. Enjoy:

9.     “Deuces” of the week…….

You know how the “Deuces” works, so here they are……

·     Seattle Seahawks- Peace out, to be honest, you shouldn’t have been in the playoffs anyway….

·     Newton and Fairley- I don’t blame you, jump ship before the hammer comes down and make that cheddar in the NFL….

·     Sean McDermott- I’m not sure why or how, but you got the boot from the Eagles…. I know a hand full of teams that need to pick you up…..

·     Jose Canseco’s Brother- Ozzie, Jose’s brother, was busted for DUI this past weekend. Sucks bro…..

·     Brandi Favre- Yea, Brett’s sister was busted for having a meth lab in her house…. And you thought Brett was having problems recently…..

10.     THE TOP 10 in the TOP 10….

With the football season coming to an end, I felt  that this week’s Top 10 in the Top 10 would be a good way to put together my ultimate Defensive team. This team consist of the top 10 Defensive players in the league today, playing the positions they are best at. I know someone is going to disagree, so let me know who you would pick…..

DE- JULIUS PEPPERS- The dude is a freak of nature, and no one has a chance at stopping him. You may prevent him a time or two from getting to the QB, but in the end he is going to spank you.

DT- VINCE WILFORK- The man is a mountain, and comes to play every game. Sitting fat and pretty at 6’2’’, 325, it takes a dump truck to get his ass out of the running lane….

DE ROBERT MATHIS- He is smaller and quicker, but I think you need that opposite of Peppers. I love how quick his first step is, and love that fact that teams allow their practice squads to start off sides to simulate his speed…..

OLB- CLAY MATHEWS- When this kid hits you, your Mama feels it. He is nasty, and has that swagger everyone is a little scared of…..

ILB- PATRICK WILLIS- I think the guy has had 600 sacks in the past 3 season. It’s a shame he was taken after Jamal Anderson of the Falcons…..

ILB BRIAN URLACHER- He anchors a defense that is one of the best in the league. The guy just bleeds football…

OLB- JAMES HARRISON- Hey, anyone who has over $100,000 in fines for hitting people to hard, gets to start for my defense. I’m down with that 100%

CORNER- NNAMDI ASOMUGHA- He has been tucked away on a team that is shitty, so he doesn’t get a lot of publicity, but he is a star. Look for him next year, since he opted out of his contract and will be playing for someone else next year.

FS- ED REED- I’ll put up with the fact that he is usually hurt half of the season, because he is a ball hawk. The guy picks someone off twice a game, and always when it counts….

SS- TROY PALAMALU- He is getting a little older, but could you imagine having these two guys roaming around on the same defense together…. Good luck for that QB….

CORNER- DARRELLE REVIS- One word: SHUTDOWN. That sums it up. That’s what I got people…

Yea, I know it is 11 instead of 10, so Sue me……

As always, it has been a pleasure. Leave me your thoughts and comments on the facebook post…. See you all Friday morning Suckazzzzzz.